Most people think confidence is a steady trait you have it, or you don’t. But after breezing through a presentation to 500 people and then melting down in front of thirty, I realized confidence is far messier than it seems. From self-esteem that refuses to stick, to the myth of fearlessness, to the way one bored face in the audience can unravel your nerves, confidence is a moving target. This essay unpacks the confusing, often hilarious realities of believing in yourself, and why true confidence is less about perfection and more about getting back up again and again.

There’s a Bob at every party. Someone convinced he’s a master of emotional intelligence, but blind to his own blind spots. The real irony? The more certain we are of our emotional savvy, the more likely we’re missing the mark. After years as a psychologist, I’ve learned that true emotional wisdom is quiet, humble, and always curious. The moment we start explaining our EQ to others is the moment we’ve become Bob ourselves.