Most people think confidence is a steady trait you have it, or you don’t. But after breezing through a presentation to 500 people and then melting down in front of thirty, I realized confidence is far messier than it seems. From self-esteem that refuses to stick, to the myth of fearlessness, to the way one bored face in the audience can unravel your nerves, confidence is a moving target. This essay unpacks the confusing, often hilarious realities of believing in yourself, and why true confidence is less about perfection and more about getting back up again and again.

I used to hear “You’re too young to handle this” more times than I can count, servers handing me the kids’ menu, HR doubting my impact. Yet, those same executives soon found themselves unpacking their childhoods with me in long sessions. That experience taught me a vital lesson: authenticity isn’t about never changing. It’s about knowing when to adapt without losing sight of who you truly are. Because sometimes, “that’s just how I am” can be a convenient excuse to avoid growth. And growth, messy as it is, is where real strength lives.

Mixed emotions are a common occurrence. One piece of research suggests that we experience them up to 36% of the time in our daily lives. Moments of delight are often intertwined with disappointment. We might feel deep love for our partner while also grappling with all-consuming frustration. The excitement of a new adventure comes hand in hand with fear. Pride and joy in a child’s accomplishments are coupled with the sad realization that they are growing up. But in spite of how common these emotions are, they often create a sense of unease, disorientation, or resistance that typically comes from unfamiliarity. The long and the short of it - we struggle with allowing opposing emotions to co-exist.