Moving to a different location, let alone a different time zone, has brought into sharp focus the daily interactions with friends and family, or lack there of. I often reach for my phone to share only to realise that ‘they’, my closest connections, are asleep on another continent. The people who would get my crappy joke (or at least pretend to find it vaguely amusing) or silly concerns are simply not available. It stirs up a sense of emptiness, reminiscent of when my Dad died. For months after I was struck by a daily reminder that he’d gone every time I went to call.

As a psychologist, these experiences underscore the profound human need to be seen, heard, and believed in by the people who know us. Often it isn’t the big gestures of support that are foundational so much as the tiny everyday occurrences. When this connection is lacking, it becomes glaringly apparent.

Despite knowing so much more about how the brain works today, society is slow to drop the messages of what’s become known as toxic positivity. Notebook covers tell us to “stay positive”, social media posts urge us to “look on the bright side” even well meaning friends will tell us “It will all be fine. Everything happens for a reason.”But while cultivating a positive outlook can be beneficial for our mental well-being, there’s a fine line between applying this in a healthy way versus one that is as the term suggests is ‘toxic’ to our brain.

When working with leaders it often takes a surprising level of cajoling to get them to think about how their strengths can be the key to taking their leadership to another level. We’re conditioned to think about what we can fix or what gaps we have rather than learning how to use our gifts to propel us forward. And do so in a way that’s far more enjoyable.

Women’s and men’s brains are actually more similar than they are different. However, any woman and any man who has lived with a woman knows that our level of happiness, clarity of thinking and self-esteem are just a few things that can dramatically fluctuate. And this, surprise surprise is because hormones impact brain function and our hormone levels are not consistent. We don’t enjoy this monthly ride, but it comes part and parcel with being female.