There’s a Bob at every party. Someone convinced he’s a master of emotional intelligence, but blind to his own blind spots. The real irony? The more certain we are of our emotional savvy, the more likely we’re missing the mark. After years as a psychologist, I’ve learned that true emotional wisdom is quiet, humble, and always curious. The moment we start explaining our EQ to others is the moment we’ve become Bob ourselves.

Mixed emotions are a common occurrence. One piece of research suggests that we experience them up to 36% of the time in our daily lives. Moments of delight are often intertwined with disappointment. We might feel deep love for our partner while also grappling with all-consuming frustration. The excitement of a new adventure comes hand in hand with fear. Pride and joy in a child’s accomplishments are coupled with the sad realization that they are growing up. But in spite of how common these emotions are, they often create a sense of unease, disorientation, or resistance that typically comes from unfamiliarity. The long and the short of it - we struggle with allowing opposing emotions to co-exist.